When was the last time you waited around for someone to make the move? When was the last time you fantasized about the perfect moment leaping out in front of you? In our minds we clearly communicate our intentions to the world and expect everyone to constantly catch our drift. The difficulty is that our communication is often completely unclear.
It’s easy to think of a time when you said something and it was completely misinterpreted. That’s because we dodge around words and expect people to pick up hints. By dressing sexy we think that someone else will understand our intentions and react to them. By dragging a sentence, we think we communicate that we’re depressed. When someone doesn’t understand us, our mind goes crazy trying to interpret what the other person is thinking.
Did he just smile about what I said or is he smiling at me? Why does she keep looking me directly in the eyes? Is she into me? We need to reform our communication so we can stop wasting so much time other thinking possibilities.
Two weeks ago I wrote about kissing a questioning guy. Much of what I struggled with for the following days was based on a lack of communication. When I saw him and he didn’t talk to me, my mind would go off on how he probably was embarrassed or disliked me. Then he’d speak to me and my mind would suddenly think that he wanted to be friends again.
There was a huge disconnect between my mind and what was actually happening. In my mind, I became consumed in trying to figure it all out. He may as well have been saying what I was thinking because in my head I was equating his actions with verbally saying them. That was where everything had went wrong. He never actually said anything. There was no communication. It wasn’t possible to know what he wanted because he never said what he wanted.
That night we spent 7 hours hanging out and talking in my room. 7 freakin’ hours. That was how bad our communication was. How much confusion and time could we have saved if we had clearly communicated our intentions? How much stress could we have resolved afterwards?
We spend too much of our time trying to be coy about our actions and hoping that someone picks up our intentions. We hope that opportunities will just present themselves easily. Well everybody, our lives are way too short and way too stressful to wait around for others to pick up on our hints.
Most of our problems with other people center around a lack of communication. By speaking directly to them, or cutting to the chase, we can eliminate a lot of time and stress. We should be more unapologetic about our communication and actively try to clarify any mis-communications. By being direct, we can avoid spending excess time trying to examine all the details and pick up on any potential hints.
A new goal of mine is to communicate myself more directly. By clarifying my intentions, hopefully I’ll be more realistic with my friendships and relationship. I hope that you will also try to communicate more clearly.
In the comments below, tell me about a miscommunication that you’ve had with someone else? What do you think could have solved the problem? Did you think too much about it?