End of the Week Recap

I want to start by apologizing for another late night blog post. Instead of only writing about 100 words, I want to write a bit more tonight. Truth be told, this week has been full of unexpected pleasant surprises and business. While I wish I could say that my busyness was productive, I don’t have anything to show you for this week. Especially regarding this blog.

Earlier this week I wrote about taking the first photograph in a long time. It was a big deal because I used to take images daily. If I wasn’t out taking photos, I was talking with others who were. Time went on and I disconnected from the people I love. Artists don’t exist where I live, so it’s been a difficult transition. Taking an image this week pushed myself back into that community.

Yesterday I wrote about having exciting news. I don’t want to share any of it yet but I can’t wait until I can. Right now I’m working on many projects that I’ve held in my head. Actually putting them into existence is intoxicating.

Even though I only produced one new image this week, I’ve already felt a jolt back into the community. All of my projects revolve around either blogging or art. When I have the opportunity to work on them, I feel like I’m fulfilling a higher purpose. It feels like I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing.

Work rolled by quickly this week and I found myself working on my projects with an abundant amount of time. The time that I was given felt productive. When you lay your head down at night, having those feelings of fulfillment is stellar. There’s nothing like feeling on top of the world.

Speaking of on top of the world, there’s a song I’ve fallen in love with. Yes, I’m late but I never knew the lyrics. To conclude tonight’s post I’ll write the lyrics below and connect it through Spotify. I hope you all had a wonderful week!

“I want to stand with you on a mountain.
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever.
Until the sky falls down on me”

-Truly Madly Deeply, Savage Garden

 

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Connect

Last October, before I started blogging daily, I wrote an article about a beautiful dream I’d had. I felt lonely and lost but in this dream I was laying in a giant bed with all the animals who had ever lived with me. Their presence comforted me and the loneliness I’d felt vanished for days after I woke back up. It was as though I never felt isolated.

Painting isn’t my specialty but I felt so compelled to create this image. I wanted to keep that feeling for as long as I could. If you click on the image, it will link you back to that post on EveryoneWanders.

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Though it may seem silly or strange, that feel engulfed me.

To give a bit of a background, this was the first time I was living on my own. Last year in May I was so busy that I couldn’t breath until almost October. I can’t remember a time that I was so stressed and unable to feel. When I finally felt something, it was usually loneliness or depression. This feeling was a resolution to suffering I dealt with for those 4/5 months.

When I originally painted this image, I’d stayed up until 5 in the morning painting. Inexperience drags out the creation process but I was inspired. I don’t think I even looked at the lock until I was done. There was so much focus on the emotion it created within me that I forgot everything else.

Since my last friend left here, I’ve had a similar feeling come back. Instead of feeling all of my animals laying lazily on a bed with me, I’ve felt like all of my friends are walking with me. I feel comforted by this feeling. It’s like everyone is a part of me and I carry that with me wherever I go.

Whenever I feel lonely, I remember this feeling. I think about all of my animals laying beside me or walking down the street with every person I’ve met. I feel the moments where we’ve connected and been together. Suddenly that depression evaporates and I feel connected with the world.

Our anxieties are so much less that we see them in our head. Our loneliness or depression are amplified there and we cannot feel their limits. It’s important to not be afraid of the depths of your feelings. You don’t always know how much of a feeling you can feel. This is where your creativity will stem from: reaching into those depths and pulling them out to show people. Even beautiful things can come out of dark places.

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Flow between Happiness and Sadness

For the last week I’ve been unable to contain my happiness. I feel like a glass just bubbling over with the stuff. The funny thing is that there isn’t one particular thing in my life that’s making me happy. I just feel content with everything and the happiness has followed. The best thing about this feeling is that when I encounter adversity or something that usually would make me sad, I feel like I overcome it easily.

Take this weekend for example: I’m going to be working two 12-hour shifts that eat up my weekend. Two weeks ago I was dreading this weekend but as I’ve become more content it’s worn away. Usually when you dread an event you ruminate in it and it gets progressively worse until you get passed it. The opposite seems to be happening right now: the closer I get to it, the less I worry about it.

It’s been written about before on this blog but I wanted to write about it again. I used to think  unhappiness was the degree to which we were aware of a lack of happiness. I thought it was when a person questioned their own happiness and realized that they weren’t as happy as they could be. I no longer believe this.

I think happiness is the degree to which we are living our lives. When we feel alive we also tend to feel happy. When I notice what it’s like to feel my feet press against the ground, I feel alive. When I’m walking and I can feel the sun or the cold, I feel alive. These moments themselves don’t bring me happiness but the accumulation of them brings contentment. Feeling at peace with everything creates a sort of calm undertone in my life which is a root for my happiness.

This root grows into a tree when I start sharing it with other people. I start smiling and my smiling makes other people smile which makes me smile even more.

Osho’s dynamic meditation is definitely weird – singing, jumping, and all sorts of other crazy things. However, I’ve learned something from it. The second part of the meditation is where you let your body express itself freely. For ten minutes if you need to kick, scream, flail, or anything, you do it. When I do this part of the meditation my body goes back and forth between laughing and crying. I feel compelled to laugh and smile like life is flowering through me. Then I’ll feel the need to shrink down and sob.

It sounds a little crazy at first but I don’t see happiness and sadness as far away from each other anymore. Maybe my happiness stems from an appreciation of what I have – whether that be good or bad. I undoubtedly will feel depressed again and this feeling will fade but I wanted to write about the importance of awareness. Having that base of contentment builds the foundation for happiness in myself.

It doesn’t matter what I’m doing as long as I feel alive. When I feel alive I can’t help but feel happy. Life is something worth experiencing and I hope that you find happiness as well! Nameste!

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Tainted Love

When I fall for somebody, I fall head over heels. I don’t fall for many people but when I do I tend to lose myself in them. I fall completely in love with who they are. Not necessarily them, but who they are. When I run across somebody who is interesting I want to know them completely and I want to spend all my time with them. I don’t really know how to say it other than that.

It’s an infatuation I cannot describe. I want to know how a person walks, how their skin feels, how they live their life, how they breath. It’s like a glass of water that you never tire of drinking from. Hopefully that glass is endless but we never know.

The reason I wanted to write this because I wanted to describe it to myself. To put down in words or something I can read and understand. In the last year I’ve fallen for a few people. I’ve been driven out of my life and into theirs. Oddly it seems that every time I get into the flow of things, I fall for somebody.

Perhaps when we’re at our peak, we’re also the most attractive. I would start on all of my projects and really be working at them – and I would also be my happiest. Maybe happiness is the most attractive trait a person can have. When you are doing what you love, you start to love everything. I think that’s what happens in my life.

When I reach my happiest moments and when I feel most satisfied in life, I also tend to love everything. I start to notice the feeling of my skin, what food tastes like, and really hear the depth in sound. It’s like everything in my life becomes invigorated and amplified. I fall more and more in love with everything… and sometimes that includes people around me.

It’s like the perfect storm. When somebody comes swooping in with their interests, I’m going around loving everything and then I love them. I love everybody at these times but I fall more in love with them than anything else. I stop doing my projects, I stop with my mindless wandering, and I focus on them.

I know that’s a silly thing but it’s true. When I fall, I fall hard.

Interestingly enough, I’ve stayed single for four and a half years now. I don’t think I’m afraid of commitment but I think I’m afraid that that glass isn’t going to be endless. Or I reach the end of the glass and I’m just not interested in them anymore. Most people it’s that way – I drink and drink until that person becomes boring. This year it seems that I’ve found more people who I haven’t found the bottom of their glass.

The obvious solution when you have problems like this is to stay away from people. To figure things out for yourself. That’s what I’m going to do for a while. Put myself first and find that long-standing happiness. If somebody else comes along they can join me but I need to focus on these projects. I can’t keep giving up what gives me satisfaction in my life.

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Are you satisfied?

Happiness is a difficult topic because the more we talk about it, the more unhappy we tend to get. We realize that we could be happier and therefore we lose our ability to be happy. When I started reading self-help books six months ago I was struggling with my happiness. Reading those books made me pay attention to my own happiness and I started realizing how unhappy I was – this, for some reason, made me even more unhappy.

As time has progressed I’ve learned various ways to be happy. This blog is partially a dedication to that sentiment. I’ve done this because sometimes writing about happiness has helped me get through funks. I’m glad to say that I have found a lot of things that worked for me.

One of the new things I want to try is finding meaning in my daily life. The way that I want to do this is through dedicating time towards certain things. You know how people always say I wish I did yoga daily or went to the gym? I have similar things I want to incorporate into my own life and here they are;

1. Start meditating daily
If I meditate in the morning, I’ve found that I’m a lot happier throughout the day. The meditation can’t just be sitting though, it has to be mindful action – like taking a walk or eating breakfast slowly. Even laying in bed with a clear mind helps me through the day.

2. Start dedicating more time towards blogging daily
I’ll be honest, I’ve really been neglecting my blogs lately. There has been plenty of time in my life to write but I push writing until 10 or 11 every night. It’s not cool and it really takes away from the satisfaction of blogging. I find a lot of meaning in my day-to-day life if I take time to write something down. Writing posts in 10 minutes is not a good thing.

3. Finding and ingesting new media daily
When I’m listening to new music or finding a new artist, I seem to have the most daily satisfaction. It’s not that the media makes me happy but I find a lot more meaning in my life if I’m doing something new. Facebook and Tumblr don’t fulfill that craving for newness and I need to start dedicating more time towards this aspect of my life.

4. Exercising at least a couple times a week
I’ve really tried to start exercising daily but I haven’t found a way that’s worked for me. Especially because I don’t have a car, I have no way to get to the gym other than walking. If I orient a couple days a week towards working on my body, I’m sure that I could get back into the swing of things. I think I fear becoming a gym monkey a little bit but that’s a whole different post. Coming back from the gym I have so much satisfaction it can last through the next day, that’s why I’m making it a larger part of my life.

5. Getting to sleep early
Waking up at the butt crack of dawn really sucks. There’s really no other way to put it. Since I have to get up so early, I also need to go to bed early. When everyone around you can survive on 4 hours of sleep it’s difficult to get to bed on time. It’s so easy to just put on a movie or just kill an hour or two of valuable sleep. Having a good night’s rest also puts me in a good mood and leaves a happy undertone all day. Getting under 7 and a half hours leads me to all sorts of unhappiness and I don’t put enough time into my sleep schedule. That’s why I’m dedicating more time towards sleep from now on.

Those are all of the things I can think of for now but I’m sure that there’s more I’ll think of later. As I add these things into my life I’ll keep you update to see how it’s working for me. I want to find more purpose and satisfaction day-to-day.

What are some things that make you happy? Do you do them daily or how do you incorporate them into your life? Where do you find satisfaction in your life? I think creating is the most satisfying thing I do. Let me know yours in the comments below!

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What it feels like to have lips

You know the feeling when you kiss someone for the first time? When their lips feel foreign and their skin feels light because you’re afraid to press hard against it. Everything feels so new and unusual. You don’t know what the other person is thinking and you know that you’re thinking a lot. At this time you’re really in tune with the other person and you’re receptive to whatever they do.

There’s a certain delight in that strangeness and how foreign everything feels. Someone’s lips are weird but they’re not weird at the same time. Their skin has a particular feeling and you like that tang.

The other I was thinking about all of this and it hit me. Why does it feel so unusual? We should be used to feeling of our own skin. Every time we touch something or brush our hands against ourselves we feel ourselves. So why is there a delight in feeling someone else’s skin?

I think it’s because when we’re with someone we have that receptivity. We’re completely present and ready to feel whatever is going on. We pay attention to all of our feeling and all of our emotions. The joy that we get may not be just because we’re with another person but because we’re totally here. We’re fully alive in those moments.

Most of our life we don’t pay attention to the normal sensations of living. The feeling of gravity or our feet as they step on the ground. We only notice our back when it hurts us but we don’t pay attention to it otherwise.

We seek solace in other people because we crave the feeling of being alive. We crave the sensation of what skin feels like even though we’re already wearing a full suit. We don’t notice what our lips feel like when we’re eating or breathing.

What we should be doing is finding that presence within ourselves and sharing that with somebody else. Find where you feel most alive and bring that our in somebody else. Not only when you are intimate but when you’re just walking around. Remember the physical sensations of life like walking into the hot sun or the feeling of grass. Truly feel it and breath it all in! That is the way to happiness, not through somebody else.

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It’s not the grand gestures that matter in the end, it’s the small things that build to a greater happiness. While we think everything would be perfect if just one thing changed, this usually is not case. The lives we lead and our day to day moments build the foundation. Maybe it’s the life we lead that creates this underlying feeling. Pursuing our dreams and living a passionate life generates happiness, not the giant gesture. So instead of looking for the perfect moment, focus on building the life that you want to lead. You’ll find a lot more there. 168/365