Kissing a Questioning Guy

Over this past weekend I kissed a guy who was questioning his sexuality. He is the first guy I’ve ever met who is questioning – and obviously the first one I’ve kissed. This has had its fun and pitfalls, and I’m here to share them with you.

Exploring with a questioner can be exciting – you get to help them dig into their sexuality. There haven’t been a lot of experiences to wear in how everything should work and this can make things feel more fresh. It’s also a chance to look at your own sexuality and focus on what you like as well.

Sexuality is not a rigid wall that cannot be penetrated or surpassed; it is something that can be explored endlessly. You may like this or find yourself wanting that instead – and all of that is fine. You may like some guys and only a few girls. You may like kissing girls but only like getting rough with men. Each person is different and it can be pleasurable just to explore through it.

By being with a person who is questioning, it can cause you to look at yourself and the rigidity you’ve placed on your own sexuality. Are you becoming too worn into the how you date or how you kiss? Maybe this opens your eyes to that rigidity. Trying new things can help bring life back into your sexuality.

There are also a lot of pitfalls in messing around with someone who doesn’t know their sexuality. The other person may not even end up liking you or your gender. You could get really into someone and not get that returned. People who don’t know their sexuality can be emotional about it because they are trying to figure it all out.

When someone is questioning, they are questioning! This, by definition, means that they don’t know exactly what they are into. When you get with them, there is a huge possibility that you’ll be the person that shows them what they aren’t into.

The difficulty with this is that we become emotionally involved and when someone figures out that they don’t like our gender, we take it personally. “Maybe I didn’t represent men well enough” or “Maybe I’m really bad at kissing”. We take it as them rejecting us as humans but it’s more of them figuring it out for themselves.

Think of it like you’re wandering through the produce section of a grocery and you see some exotic fruits. On the outside they may be odd looking, great looking, different, but more importantly they may be intriguing. Just because you are intrigued by that fruit doesn’t mean that you’re going to like it. Other people may like it, but it’s different for each person. If you kiss a questioning person and they don’t like it, it could be just that they don’t like that kind of fruit!

When we try a new food we go into unsure of how we’re going to react. We look at it and maybe get an aroma from it but we’re ultimately unsure of whether we’ll spit it out or get another serving. After experimenting, a questioning person reacts very similar to that. They may make a sour face or smile from the taste of it.

Since we don’t know how they’re going to react we have to make sure we understand that it’s not us. Their reaction isn’t to us, it’s the overall response. They walked in unsure how they were going to respond and you have to accept whatever their response is.

Emotionally this can be very difficult because not all people are blessed/cursed with knowing what they’re into. Some people will react horribly with a huge dramatic response, while other may just shrug it off. Make sure to be supportive of whatever they think. Remember they are exploring, and you are just supporting them in it.

Don’t get me wrong, it can be a lot of fun experiment but it can also be emotionally exhausting. We invest ourselves into everything we do and we aren’t able to control the response. You could potentially have a lot of fun or you could take things personally if things go south (ha).

Remember that your sexuality isn’t rigid either – the exploration can be on both sides. This weekend I got to explore my sexuality and mess around with a really cool guy. I had a lot of fun getting to know him but it brought up questions about my own sexuality and how I define myself.

This weekend and blog post is a testament to taking things personally. We both explored ourselves and I was into him but he wasn’t into me. I took things personally at first but I’ve thought about it more today. Sexuality isn’t rigid and no one else can control it. Have fun exploring yourself and other people. Just keep in mind that it’s only exploration and it doesn’t have to be anything more than that.

Hope you all had a great weekend! Sorry for such short posts this past week and then a really long one! Ha, I wish I had more exciting things to talk about lately! I’ve just been really busy! Moving to Charleston next month! I’ll write you soon!


P.S. Only 300 more days to go!


Why YOU should take a cold shower (and how I’ve reshaped my mind from them)

Taking a cold shower can do more than improve your immunity. It can be used as a tool to change your life. Recently Tim Ferriss (The Four-Hour Workweek, The Four-Hour Chef) inspired me into taking a cold shower. It was a simple idea presented in his book “The-Four Hour Body”. The idea was that the cold water induced shivering and increased the amount of calories your was burning. If you drop your temperature, your body will compensate by heating you up. Thus burning more calories.

It’s simple in concept and pushed me into experimenting on myself. Living in Texas I thought it would be a great way to cool down after a long day of sweating outside. Well, it turned out to be much more than that.

I can vividly remember what my first cold shower was like. It was around 1 in the morning and I was just about to go to bed. I had went into some sort of trance reading “The Four-Hour Body” and found myself needing to make a break from the book. So I decided to take a cold shower and hopped in with full heat, anticipating how the cold water would feel. It gave me some sort of appreciation for the hot water and an anxiety that prevented me from enjoying it. I inched the water cooler until I started getting goosebumps. I could help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation.

Why in the world was I taking a cold shower? This was completely the opposite reason I took shower in the first place. I took showers to unwind, to relax after a long day, to collect my thoughts and contemplate. Yet here I was, shivering my ass of in the cold confines of my shower. Ferriss’ words “-it will wake you up like a foghorn” echoed in my head.

Suddenly I hit some sort of wall and broke through it mentally. The water ripped my mind out of itself and into the moment. Every anxiety, every anticipation had been shed and all that was left was the moment. There I was shivering in the place where I stood five minutes earlier basking in heat. All my mind could think about was what was occurring in that moment. The water pouring from the facet, the growing number of hairs sticking up from my goosebumps, how I was standing.

Yes I even became incredibly aware of myself and my body. It was incredibly weird and incredibly satisfying. I didn’t need to contemplate what tomorrow was going to bring because I have right now. I have only this moment. That is exactly why I take cold showers.

The ever desired hot water never actually made me feel content. My mind was bursting with thoughts and it never stopped thinking. My mind never actually relaxed. When the water turned cold and sharp my mind became sharp too and cut through any stray thoughts.

It’s not something that can be explained perfectly, but I want you to take a cold shower. I want you to be woken up like a foghorn. Take one for the team and just try it once! If you don’t like it, next time just turn up the heat. I guarantee you’ll feel something different.

In the comments below or on Facebook, tell me how your cold shower went. Perhaps you already take cold showers for their numerous health benefits. Whatever the case may be, tell me your opinion!


Tool to Consciousness I