Whole and Broken

There’s a different kind of comfort in my life right now. A gentle calmness that surrounds me and seems to hum a joy I have never known. Inside this happiness there is also its counter. Everything will eventually end – everything does. Therefore this comfort shall be appreciated while its here.

The place where I stand now is between both joy and sorrow. Once you have something great, you know that you can’t have great forever. The duality is where you can find peace of mind. A state where you don’t desire anything anymore. You just exist as you are, in and of yourself.

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Coming Home to Myself

Tonight I took some time and delved deep into my Facebook timeline. I read through a lot of what I’ve posted through the years to compare myself to my younger self. Of course there is growth but it is interesting to see how my mind functioned so differently at a younger age. So many of my struggles were, in the end, petty. The things that I spent so much time stressing over were things that I shouldn’t have been stressing over. The fact that I’ve forgotten so many of them proves how little they’ve affected my life.

Much of the reason why I looked back was to see my sexuality. Facebook is not exactly the place to look back at that stuff but I wanted to see how much I wrote about my relationships and how open I was with other people. In the end I just noticed how many people have come and gone in my life. That is life though. I’ll be forever affected by their presence even without them.

This brings me back to today and what I’m going through. The things that I’m going through now and the struggles I encounter are only a fraction of my life. The relationships I had, while not forgotten, were mostly insignificant. I had an amazing group of friends! Some of them still are around these days! My friends Lindsay and April are at the forefront of this group.

When I move to Charleston, I’m starting another part of my life again. I’m going to a place where I will know nobody. The place will be foreign and I will have few people to guide me. The anxieties I have about this are enormous but I know that I will make it through. I will find some great people and have great experience – time shows that.

Unfortunately it’s getting extremely late and I should get some rest. I encourage you, reader, to sift back through your Facebook. See what you posted 3, 4, maybe even 5 years ago. You may be surprised at how your life is from how you expected it to be. Where will you orient yourself in the future? Who knows, only time will tell where you will end up!

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P.S. I used to be huge into Alex Evan’s photography and I just ran into it again today! Man, it’s been like 4 or 5 years since I’ve seen his stuff! He’s definitely become an even greater photographer than I remember!

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Tonight I don’t have the energy to write. I just meditayed for the last half an hour to clear my mind. Hopefully through doing this I can be more beneficial to all life and help spread kindness. Clearing my mind should be much more easy than it actually is. Perhaps through longer mediation and through more of it I’ll become more at peace. I can already see many of the ways that meditation has improved my life and the lessons that I’ve learned. Today a guy said, why do you make me angry, to another man. Immediately my mind said, you make yourself feel angry, no one makes you feel anything. This is how I know these lessons are sticking in my head.

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A note on meditation

Meditation is something that I do almost daily now and its effects have been profound for me. It’s helped improve my happiness, my presence, and my life as a whole. Because I am able to sit down and calm my mind, when I’m not meditating, I am able to do the same thing. I train my mind for even when I’m not meditating.

If I meditate on happiness and forgiveness, I am better able to be happy and forgive those around me when the time gets rough. It’s a way for the mind to learn a pattern or habit and keep it in place. When a chef can chop through vegetables quickly, they also have more precision when they are doing other things. The same is true with the mind. The mind is a muscle.

A huge motivator for myself to meditate is “why don’t I want to sit with myself for ten minutes?”. Think about that. Anyone who has ever tried meditation has probably encountered this problem; it’s because we have difficulty doing nothing. We struggle even with sitting with our minds for ten minutes. Why is that? Our minds are always with us, so shouldn’t we make peace with it? That’s what meditation is. It’s getting used to dealing with your mind and learning how to be with yourself. It’s a very important skill for happiness and life. You should try it, sit with yourself for ten minutes today and write about it in the comments below! Tell me what your experiences were and what your mind was thinking!

Have a wonderful night!

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