Lately I’ve felt too filled with fluff. It seems like I go through cycles of this. Every couple years, I feel like running out of the back door of my life and moving to Greenland. Maybe the snowy hills have the cure?
Two years ago, I started the slow walk out of a relationship that I didn’t want to end. The romance had consumed half of my twenties and I was left with a lot of unanswered questions.
My partner started another relationship shortly after we split and got married a few months later. They opened their relationship and it felt like every guy I met had slept with them. Although it wasn’t true, I felt claustrophobic. It seemed like every where I went, I ran into him.
Most of last year was an emotional mess. I searched for answers in any way that I could. I read books. I slept with couples. I hooked up and did a lot that I wouldn’t ever do again.
I’ve come to the conclusion that the questions were never going to be answered. In fact, I wasn’t looking for answers. I was just holding onto him. As long as I was searching, my life was still about him.
Fast forward to today, I’m preparing to move across the country. Where I’m going, we don’t have any mutual friends.
It’s unsurprising that I want to tear down the foundations of my life and start new. For the first time, it feels like the questions are about me and what I want. I’m reevaluating who’s currently in my life and what direction I want to go.
Although Greenland doesn’t sound like a bad place, I think I’ll prefer my actual destination of Florida. Doesn’t have quite the isolated charm though, does it?