January 19./ Routine

It feels good to be writing again – like stretching old muscles that I haven’t used in a while. From time to time I get the urge to sit down and type for a little bit. It gives me an opportunity to look back at the last few months and reflect on what’s going on in my life. This blog seems to mirror that. I apologize for the sporadic postings.

Today I’d like to take the time to look at a mechanism called routine. It seems that my life has been a series of changes and reactions to those changes.

The most recent change has been moving. I’ve finally hit a point where I can say I’ve gotten used to living on the island and I’m no longer caught up in it. I don’t feel as anxious about living in a new place. My work environment feels the same way. I’ve adjusted to the people I work with and the routine of the day.

The feeling has been serene. I didn’t know that I was anxious or uncomfortable until the emotion disappeared. The calmness crept up out of nowhere. Since then, I’ve been looking at the other things that I’ve gotten used to… like living out on my own, the places I frequently go.

What I’ve noticed is that I desire the calm, adjusted feeling. I mean, who doesn’t? I want to have places I regularly go and to feel comfortable with where I live and where I work. On the same note, I’ve noticed the anxious feeling when the routine is broken – like when the freeway I take to work is closed or when I get assigned a new task at work.

The strange thing is that while I desire the familiarity and calmness of routine, I also desire newness and the unknown. I want to see new places and try things I’ve never done before. And I want to be calm and comfortable with the new things that I try. Of course it doesn’t always work that way.

A side effect of entering the nice, relaxed routine is that I don’t want to break it. I feel lazy. There’s little drive to go out and do when I can relax at home. This isn’t to say that I’m afraid to go out and explore new places but I’m sinking into lethargy.

Now, routine is nice and all but there has to be a balance of it and freshness. Not enough adjustments and the water grows stagnant. We want to keep the water moving so it doesn’t start turning green.

Lately I’ve just been feeling more cognizant of how I react to routine and breaking it.

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