Sitting Down and Writing

The most difficult part of writing, I’ve found, is starting. It’s easy to find ways to avoid the process. Sometimes I make excuses or purposefully become busy to escape. But the thought always comes back. Sit down and write. You have something you want to say. That’s what fuels this sort of writing. Why does that desire keep returning?

It’s all chaos. Each time I sit down my mind goes in one thousand directions. There’s nothing cohesive. Even reading the lines as they slowly appear is agonizing. This sentence doesn’t match the one before it. They won’t understand what you are trying to say. Delete it. Start over. Make it better. Write more clearly. Edit. Filter it. It becomes unbearable. Some days it feels like I’m walking through tar.

The motivation to create startles me. This need for expression doesn’t make sense. If I’m this critical of what I’m writing, why should I even begin? I contemplate as I write this, if I even want to share it. It’s embarrassing to be open. Yet I know this sort of creation is necessary.

When I created this site, I was regularly blogging. Each day I wrote 100 words. It feels wrong to say that writing was easier then. It was a skill, something I honed through hours of sitting in front of the screen. Putting thought to word. I don’t have that now. I’m undisciplined.

However, that’s not an excuse to avoid writing. If anything, that’s a reason to sit down and focus. I need to write. It sharpens my mind. When I do it regularly, I feel as though my thoughts are linear. They become digestible. The chaos doesn’t clear up, but it becomes bearable.

This is the spirit of writing regularly. Whether it be BLOGtober, a 365 project, or anything in between. It’s sitting down and getting through the chaos. Pushing past the perfectionist that only wants to share content once it’s been revised 1,000 times. It’s ignoring the urge to get up and do some mindless activity to avoid not knowing what to write or create.

Not every day is difficult. Some days I rush to computer to tell you about my day. Photographs sometimes build themselves and come easily. I have notebooks of ideas and post-it-notes on my walls. Yet, confronting the blank canvas is a process that takes time to get used to.

It’s like standing on stage for your elementary school band concert and suddenly the lights shine in your face. You can see everyone in the audience. It doesn’t matter how much you’ve practiced, sometimes that light will shock you. Blank canvases do the same thing occasionally. But it’s not about that. It’s about getting on stage and playing anyways. Over time it gets better but sometimes that light will still shock you.

Anyways, enough about writing. Have you listened through this mix of Kygo’s music? That link goes to YouTube, so anyone can listen to it. It’s the perfect combination of songs to start the day. My friend introduced it to me a couple weeks ago and I put it on all the time for motivation.

Happy day four of BLOGtober everyone!

(Orig. 20150727)


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