Dec 4./

For a moment there were no sounds. A nausea overwhelmed my chest. I felt my blood flowing and my body’s physical reaction to being nervous. Words jaggedly filtered through my head. I knew what I had to say but I couldn’t say it. The nausea worsened as we drove. There was an ache. The words needed to be said. Whether by vomiting them out or carefully constructing them, they had to be alive.

“You’re beautiful.”

His kneejerk reaction, as though he was somewhere between anticipating the words and confused that they were actually spoken aloud, “…but I’m an asshole”.

His smaller frame shifted as he lifted his arm that was out the window up to support his neck. He leaned against it as if taking in a large puff of smoke and exhaling it to the night.

His left blinker clicked on and off. The streets were empty. We passed under streetlights which turned the inside of his car yellow then back to darkness in their absence.

The words echoed in my head, “beautiful… beautiful… you’re beautiful, you’re beautiful.” My god I loved this man and I hadn’t realized it yet.

 

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