There person I wanted to become

After spending years searching for myself, I finally feel like I’ve become the person I was looking for. As I scroll through my blog, Facebook, and Flickr, I see who I wanted to be. I spent so much time trying to become authentic, more “me”, and I got lost in the idea. Let me back up a few steps:

A few years ago I started taking pictures, it was one of my first lasting passions. I fell in love with editing and anything involving the photographic process. During those day I was exposed to many new artists, which I also fell in love with. My passion for photography was strong but I think my passion for feeling passionate was even greater.

At some point I hit a rock, realizing that my skill level was very different from those around me. Unfortunately I thought my work wasn’t on par with others. So in my head I formed an idea of who I wanted to become.

Time rolled on and that vision carried outside of art. In my head, I built this persona I wanted to fill. There was even a giant list of adjectives that I wanted to describe me. One those descriptors was “authentic”, and I struggled with it for a very long time.

You see, to be authentic you have to be yourself. However, I didn’t have a clear vision of who I was and therefore authentic meant being more like others. I was just searching for myself. Ironically I spent more time trying to be like others than I did acting natural.

It’s been a long time coming but I feel like that word describes me now. Authenticity is a difficult but I feel like I’ve let go of trying to be like others. I don’t know how to explain it but I look at my work and I think “that’s me”. I read my blog and think, “this really is me”. It’s just a satisfying feeling.

237/365

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