1 Year

This past year has been a roller-coaster of emotions and experiences. I’ve been in the deepest pits and on top of the world. I’ve found myself unable to function for days while others I’ve motivated myself beyond belief. A couple of weeks ago I wrote this down:

The truth in the game is that you are not able to be mentally repressed by anyone other than yourself. As long as you think that you’re trapped, you will be. Drop your own chains and set your gun down. You were never at war with anyone but yourself.

There are times when you will be driving and a cliff will appear out of nowhere. You’ll find yourself falling into a dark pit. In these moments, you can be your own worst enemy. You can fight a war against yourself and that’s hardest battle a person can face. There’s no reason for that sort of bloodshed.

This past year has been filled with those mysterious cliffs and I’ve found myself falling more times than I’d like to count. I’ve also discovered that I tend to be the one who drags myself down. I could be standing in 1 inch of water, but I will still find a way to drown. And, by god, if anyone told me to stand up I’d push my face further into the water.

It took a year of suffering and half a year of blogging to realize this: you may find yourself in horrible circumstances but you will always come back up. You will heal and life will go on. Depression is a very real thing but you will move past it.

Nobody could have helped me last September. After all, I was in the deepest pit of my life. I couldn’t find anyone who understood my situation. I was torn between desperately wanting consolation and wanting everyone around me to shut up. More than anything I felt alone.

I think that we isolate ourselves because we think we suffer alone. We think that our struggles are unique or that others will shame us. We don’t want others to see us as weak.

The truth is, you’re never alone. We all suffer, and while I may not fully understand your situation, I’m here for you. You may experience horrible things in your life but you will move past them. You will heal and you will feel better one day. If there’s only one thing I’ve learned in this past year, it’s that we all have an unimaginable capacity to heal.


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