Last month Jake Bley wrote about an unusual topic that he said “REALLY needs discussion”. It’s something that I’ve shrugged off for a long time but I want to bring it to the forefront of your mind. Gay discrimination by other gay men is a huge problem in our society. We look at minorities and say it’s incorrect to discriminate based on race, gender, sexual orientation (et cetera) but disregard when the minority attacks itself.
If you look at the African-American community, we know what words aren’t acceptable to use. So why does the community itself use them? Why is it that men can’t mock a woman’s body, but other women can? The same double standards holds true in the gay community: it’s seen as politically incorrect to call a feminine gay a “fag”… unless it’s by another gay. Then it’s seen as acceptable because that person is part of the same group.
Jake wrote in his article that he “was accused of being one of those homosexuals that ‘are the reason all the other homosexuals get a bad reputation’.”
As a member of the gay community it’s frustrating to me that we choose to discriminate against each other even though we don’t want to be discriminated against. How can we expect to be treated fairly if we go around calling others “fags” or “fems”? The gays who are effeminate or who don’t fit the masculine stereotype do not give you a bad name: other people give you a bad name.
The effeminate guy has nothing to do with it. If you’re gay and have a quarrel with the discrimination you’re receiving, it’s not those gays you’re worried about discriminating against you, it’s the other people. Basically you’re misplacing your frustration because it’s not overtly feminine guy who’s discriminating against you, it’s somebody else. Since we cannot stop the discrimination ourselves, it’s easier to blame the minority. Basically we stoop to our discriminator’s levels when we blame others in our group. Nobody deserves to be discriminated against.
This whole discussion begs the question: why do we have this gay-on-gay hatred in our community?
While there is no idea that is all-encompassing on this subject, I personally believe that it stems from the gay community’s struggle to accept itself.
I think a lot of the gay community struggles with accepting itself because we still hold onto the belief that being gay and living the “American Dream” aren’t compatible. In my opinion, this struggle leads people to blame and hatred. We think that it’s the gays fault for acting feminine and their fault for getting made fun of. We struggle with losing the white picket fence and blame it on something we think someone can control. The truth in the matter is that nobody else causes your discrimination.
Deep down we don’t care if somebody else is feminine or masculine. It has nothing to do with us anyways. Being gay has nothing to do with masculinity or femininity. If we don’t like guys who play video games, we just don’t hang around them. We don’t blame them for liking video games, it’s out of their control. If you don’t like feminine guys, that’s fine. Just don’t blame them for being feminine or causing discrimination, it’s out of their control.
I hope that you’ve taken a minute to think about this subject. It doesn’t make sense for a minority to discriminate against itself and it’s not cool. It doesn’t matter if you’re part of the group or not, discrimination is discrimination regardless of who’s doing it. Don’t be hatin’ on each other! The world is a wonderful place and we need to end this gay-on-gay discrimination.